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When we get a statement of this kind from our client, what is the first question that we respond with?

“Why?”

“But why would you do this?” 😖

This is quite a poor question to ask because it makes the client justify their decision, drawing out many reasons which were perhaps quite insignificant till now; the why question digs them deeper into their position.

A much better question is a ‘How’ or a “What” question, as they are more ‘solution focused’ than a why question which is ‘problem’ focused. The How may be stated as….”That’s tough to hear. We’ve certainly taken our eyes off the ball somewhere and we’re ready to address that. How can we have a chance to turn things around and avoid a pitch from others?” 😎

As Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung put it, “To ask the right question is already half the solution to a problem.”

So instead of asking why something isn’t working or happening, start asking how it can be improved and what you can do better the next time.

My neighbour once complained that my nephew had a fight with his friend over who should bat first, instead of asking him why he fought, I simply asked “what are better ways to resolve the conflict without fighting?” This sent his mind into a whole new direction.

What do you think are other situations where a ‘why’ will not work?

I find it truly fascinating when I can smoothly slide across from one end of the street to another, maintaining perfect balance.

balance is truly blissful, and the beauty of it is that we are responsible to create it.

Stressed or Overexcited?

Not good places to be for too long. Here are four simple yet profound words that will restore balance – ‘thistooshallpass.

Nature means change and change means nonpermanence.

Once we understand this and consciously bring to mind these four words during extreme situations, we remain humble during the highs and hopeful during the lows.

Next time you get that brand new sofa set, remember, TTSP, so you’re well prepared not to beat up your puppy for feasting on that soft and chewy material.

Most of us relish the goodtimes and detest the tough…so much so that we burn ourselves out to ensure we are ‘over protected’. It is always a good thing to take caution and prepare, however, we must come to terms with the fact that regardless of our efforts, we will be subject to tough times. The good news is that tough times make us tough.

tolerance, perseverance, determination, patience, humility are some virtues that grow and get strengthened in these times, resulting in making us complete.

If it was not for the tough times, I would never have used these virtues and hence be an ‘underdeveloped’ midget.

Understand the benefits of the tough times and you will learn to accept them with a smile and take charge of your stress and anxiety.

Every musical instrument in an orchestra is crucial in creating a symphony that the composer had envisaged, regardless of how faint or little its contribution. Without that particular instrument, the music would be incomplete and lacking. When google studied outstanding teams globally to understand what makes them great, the last thing that they would have expected is that it all boiled down to making every individual member of the team feel safe.

Safe to be themselves…
Safe to contribute freely…
and
Safe to experience a sense of ownership and worth…

In practice, as leaders of teams, we need to take care of two behaviours during meetings:

1. Give every member a chance to speak without judging them Some may speak too soon, some too late, some may speak too little and some may speak too much. Nurture members with patience; over time, everyone will be open and open up.
2. Be sensitive to their emotions The beauty of dealing with humans versus machines is that they can discern where to invest their energy and where not to. For a leader to tap into this discretionary effort, they need to care, share and inspire. There is enough research done in positive psychology and several business case studies to second this.

Knowledge is a process of piling up facts; wisdom lies in their simplification.
Simplifying things garners clarity and guarantees success.
If I were to attribute ‘Stress’ to a single word, that that word would be ‘Control’.

We could all, consciously or unconsciously, be control freaks, however we must be on the right side of the control continuum.
Perfectly okay to control your thoughts, responses, emotions and actions however NOT perfectly okay to control other people, their behavours, their opinions about you, their feelings. NOT perfectly okay to peg your joy and peace on specific outcomes.
You have maximum influence of your energy and spirit at this moment. perform at your peak, execute relentlessly, engage actively right NOW. Nevertheless, you must relinquish your need for control and you will relieve yourself instantly from stress. It would feel like a huge burden getting off your shoulders (back or chest), leaving your light and energised. Want evidence? Experiment with it today, over the next few interactions, open ourself to acceptance, let go of the illusion of control and experience the magic it carries.
Deeply contemplate on these words – Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.